The Hope of Change

I used to believe that I wasn't me if I didn't drink alcohol. I knew for years that I had a tolerance and that if I wasn’t careful a day would come when I would not be able to drink at all. Therefore I would need to moderate my intake, except that I didn’t even know how I could do that. So I eventually lost the ability to change my mind about how and why I drank. Drinking became my pastime, my reward, my coping mechanism, my relaxation, my boredom solution, my “me” time. Everything was a suitable reason to drink. I found myself pouring another glass and opening another bottle when I didn't really want to—but then, I did. I lived in a very conflicted place.