Exactly Where I Needed to Be

As I was driving home from my AA meeting, a song came on the radio that brought back a flood of memories. I was taken back to the winter of 2019, when I had recently found out I was pregnant and could not be happier. But one Friday morning, I woke up covered in blood. I knew what that meant, having had a miscarriage before. As my husband drove me to the hospital, I wailed in pain and heartbreak. In my head, I yelled at God, “How could you do this to me?” I threatened God. “If I miscarry,” I told him, “I am going to drink. I had been so good. I hadn’t had a drink in almost 18 months. Why am I being punished instead of rewarded?”